How much longer?

Being in a NICU is probably one of the saddest experiences of my life. Cam ended up spending 6 weeks there his first go round. When he was four days old it was discovered that Cams esophagus didn't attach to his stomach. Something called esophageal atresia. So this was considered a surgical emergency, and the next morning they wheeled my baby away for his first of many surgeries.

That day was super long for us. We were told the surgery would last about 4 hours, so from start to finish he would be gone about 6 hours. I was a mess. Not only did I have this baby that was going to need surgery down the road, but now I also have a baby that needed surgery for something completely unrelated to his syndrome. Needless to say that was a hard day, but not as hard as the following day when we actually had to face the fear that he could die. After Cameron's surgery he was doing well, but the following day he had a spell that shot his heart rate really low and his oxygen levels dropped extremely low. He was put on a high level vent called a JET that babies used when they were unconscious and needed to heal.

The next few days seemed clumped together. There is something that seemed so unfair about having just had a c-section, being emotionally unstable, and having a baby in critical care in a NICU. This was a huge low for me. It was a huge knock in my faith as well. I couldn't understand why a loving God would put us through something like this, and I hated when people would say, God only gives special babies to special people....BULLSHIT!!! If anything God gives special kids to regular families and it makes them stronger. I know plenty of Strong families that could have handled this just as well or better than 2 brand new parents like Paul and I. So God and I had many long talks during this time....mostly for me to be angry with him....but then to beg for forgiveness and promise anything if he would just help our baby through this. I'm not a very emotional person...so for me to break down crying in front of nurses was extremely unlike me....but I found myself doing it often.

Finally Cam started to come around. He was weened off the ventilator and doing very well. He was even on the track to going home, after being in the NICU for 2 weeks. But all of that changed. In order to check to make sure his surgery site had healed they do something called a barium swallow. Cam went to have this done and everything from his surgery looked great, but when the barium got to his intestines it showed that he had something called malrotation...ALSO Not associated with his syndrome...just another kick in the ass. So off to surgery he went again. But this time I was optimistic. This surgery was only supposed to take an hour and wasn't nearly as invasive as the first surgery he had just gone through. So into surgery he went and it did only take about an hour and he was back and on the vent again. But this surgery came with some negatives. During his healing process some mistakes were made and Cam ended up with a collapsed lung and back on a vent for another week....poor baby. Then he slowly came off the vent again, and we were back on the track to home!!!! Now just to make sure he could take a bottle and grow...sounds easy right??